Our perception of love is influenced by more than our own experiences. Cultural influences, the examples we observed as we grew up and the different types of love we experienced all play a role in what we think is acceptable forms of love.
It is only through experiencing heartbreak, however painful that might be, do we really sit back and reflect.
Although it is necessary to feel all the painful emotions related to a heartbreak, it is equally important to understand the lessons behind them.
It is essential to recognise the red flags of the relationship, where things went wrong, what you felt in each terrible memory and what you maybe ignored then and see now.
But it is equally important to address what this means about what you thought love is and how you maybe catered for the red flags rather than addressing them head on.
Were your boundaries in place?
Did you allow things to happen because it was the norm of what you observed growing up?
Were you emotionally mature before you took on the burdens of others unresolved emotional issues?
And through all of these questions, understanding yourself is the key to moving forward. Focus on the type of person you are and who you want to be.
You don’t need to understand the actions of the person that has hurt you.
Turn the attention back to yourself and think about the love you were and are are willing to give. Then ask yourself, was that catered for and reciprocated with the same level of respect?
Everyone has experienced love differently and it always a unique and personal experience. If it is healthy and caters to your needs in a safe, supportive, caring and nurturing environment that allows you to grow and be the best version of yourself then you have been fortunate.
However, not every experience of love will be a positive one, you may even come to the conclusion that maybe you thought that it was love but really it wasn’t.
Every bad experience comes with lessons that are invaluable, that will teach you things impossible to learn otherwise. How to love yourself and what being loved means to you will ultimately allow you to take on the bad experience as a beautiful way to grow.
So do not carry someone else’s inability to love you on your shoulders or let it weigh you down.
It will stop you from carrying yourself in the right direction.
Do not let past experiences define you or stop you from healing.
If it didn’t stay, it wasn’t meant to. But it left behind something that will allow you to be a better you.
Behind every strong person is a story full of painful chapters and scars that are still healing.
You will be okay xxx
respect. love. heal always xxx
Brown Girl N.