Heartbreak hurts, it can leave you feeling vulnerable, defenceless and open wounded. Our body and mind can go through more emotions than we can process.
Sometimes our boundaries have been pushed to a breaking point and need revising.
Other times they have been violated and need to be repaired.
Many times we don’t realise that our boundaries were not in place in the first place to protect us and communicate our needs and limits.
In any case it is always better to create healthy boundaries rather than get trapped behind defensive walls.
The pain of being let down and hurt can subconsciously create walls from wounds with the intent to protect us from ever experiencing heartbreak again. In the short term they can be a good way to concentrate on yourself but are not a realistic approach to healing.
Walls don’t let in those that may hurt you, but they also keep out those that can add value and happiness to your life.
They can isolate you, hold you prisoner and stop you from experiencing vulnerability or connecting with your feelings and with others on a deeper level.
Boundaries come from a place of self reflection, allowing people in that abide by the rules you’ve set. They respect and cater for your emotional, mental and physical wellbeing.
In contrast, walls are created out of fear, they stem from some sort of trauma that triggers your defence mechanism. They keep out everyone, good or bad with the intention of never getting close enough to someone to get hurt again.
Walls stunt our growth, create barriers for healing and they do not cater for what we need to move on from trauma or go on to having healthy relationships. They disconnect us from those around us and as a result from ourselves.
Boundaries create a safe space, they don’t allow others to abuse you through their actions or language, they allow you to take control back in a healthy way.
Through healthy boundaries you become aware of your own actions and behaviours and realise you are not responsible for others, you do not have to fix them or cater to their needs if it goes against your own needs, values or ethics.
Boundaries are always better than walls because you matter, your needs matter, and getting hurt is a part of life. But that doesn’t mean that everyone will hurt you or let you down. It doesn’t mean that no relationship is worth opening up to or investing in, you do that for yourself to stay true to the beautiful person you are.