It can be so easy to take a “no” personally.
Particularly if your self esteem is low, or if your confidence levels need to be worked on.
If you are someone that avoids the vulnerability of asking for help, receiving a “no” can really be internalised as rejection and instead of creating healthy boundaries that give us the space to deal with a “no” the unhealthy response can be building walls.
The walls of “I should never have put myself in that position” or “I am never asking for help again” can be detrimental to your growth and understanding relationships.
A “no” is not always a form rejection, nor is it a personal attack or withdrawal.
Sometimes a “no” could have layers behind its full of whys and reasonings.
But by being defensive and hurt from the get go means that we do not give the explanation an opportunity that could be vital to getting a full understanding of the situation.
I always say before you ask for anything be prepared for both a yes and no.
It can be hurtful and confusing if we are always there for others above ourselves but do not receive the same treatment.
In order for our boundaries to be in place, we need to understand and practice saying “no” to protect our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.
This in turn can help set boundaries that protect us in the same way when others say “no”.
Put things in place so that before you ask for something, you are prepared for a “no” by having a back up plan or another option.
Do not ask for things last minute expecting someone to drop everything for you, as that is not fair on the other party.
Sometimes a “no” could simply mean “not now”.
A “no” could mean “I would love to but I am really overwhelmed right now and need to protect myself. This is something we can have a better understanding of if we practise saying “no” ourselves.
Sometimes a “no” can guide us to who we can and cannot depend on which is a valuable lesson in itself.
At times a “no” can be a trigger for things we have not dealt with, so use them as an opportunity to dig deep into the uncomfortable and navigate your thoughts to get to the root cause of your feelings.
Accepting “no” does not mean accepting how others treat us.
It does not mean that what you need from others is not important, or that you are not valued.
Accepting a ‘no” means that you are open to redirection.
That something better will come.
That on your journey to being the best version of yourself, you will encounter challenges and rejection and that is ok, because you will grow and your boundaries will blossom beautifully as a result.
A “no” is never the end. It is just the beginning of something different and you will be fine either way.
Because working on your boundaries will give you freedom.
reflect. love. heal always
Brown Girl N