People that you love and care for become an integral and important part of your life and to some extent an extension of you.
If you are someone that wants the best for those you love you can feel responsible for them in a way that can become unhealthy and can overstep boundaries that you might not even consciously have in place.
This in turn results in internalising others behaviours particularly in toxic situations and relationships where the blame is either enforced upon or you are conditioned to take on that blame.
This can really affect your self-confidence and self-esteem and leave you feeling unnecessarily anxious, on edge and confused.
Feeling responsible for others behaviour might be something you have inherited over time.
For example being an elder sibling does place more responsibility on you and you can become more aware of your younger siblings behaviour but feel the need to ‘save them from making mistakes’.
What we need to remember in all relationships and circumstances is that the behaviour of others is not your responsibility.
Their actions and consequences of their behaviour is a part of their own journey and growth.
Their mannerisms, actions, words and how they conduct themselves is about them and never a reflection on you whether thats your family, partner or friend.
I think often we forget this as people are attached to us by others where we feel this responsibility.
Around those that know you, your family will be known as an extension of you and the same goes with your partner and friends.
That can shift blame in a very subtle way. You hear people say “Sarah’s husband did…so and so” or “did you know what Adam’s son did?” which connects people through bonds but also connects responsibility of behaviour in a way that can be difficult to separate from.
Having your personal boundaries allows you take a step back from others behaviours and understand that their actions and consequences as a result are on them.
It helps you understand that it is okay to care about the people you love but it isn’t your role to save them or prevent them from behaving a certain way.
Others behaviours are not a reflection of who you are or how you conduct yourself and it should in no way allow others to make judgements about you.
You don’t have to engage in conversations where people place the responsibility of their behaviour upon you. Ignore all the “it’s because of you I reacted/ behaved/ got angry/ lashed out in such and such a way”.
Everyone is in control of themselves, are responsible for themselves and you have the right to step back and protect your wellbeing at all costs.
Because you need to concentrate on being proud of yourself, at peace with your actions and behaviours so that if ever you behave in a way that doesn’t sit right with you you can give yourself the time and space to focus on rectifying it.
Always take responsibility for your own behaviour and be engaged and connected with yourself under all circumstances because loosing any part of yourself because of others is really not worth it.
Hold onto the best parts of you and give them the attention and love you deserve.
reflect. love. heal always xxx
(Brown Girl N)