It is difficult to navigate through our feelings in a kind way and be accepting of those feelings without being judgemental.
Uncomfortable situations can bring with it overwheling emotions.
Unhealed past traumas can be triggers for emotions we have not yet faced or shy away from.
During these times of big emotions whether it is sadness, joy, happiness, anger or confusion we have to allow ourselves to feel freely.
To get to the root of these feelings and then to manage them in a healthy way.
Consciously navigating through difficult feelings in a healthy way can be your greatest strength and can allow you to grow and evolve amidst challenging changes.
If these feelings are brushed aside, ignored or if you get stuck in a pattern of unhealthy emotions it can be detrimental to your wellbeing.
All that said, it is clear how much more difficult it can become to deal with your own emotions, feelings, actions and reactions if you take on the responsibility of others feelings.
It is okay to feel empathy, to be a kind listening ear, to give advice and even guide people through understanding their feelings.
What is not okay is trying to fix people problems so they don’t go through uncomfortable feelings as this will stop them discovering important parts about themselves.
It is not okay to take on the responsibility for others actions and reactions with regards to their feelings.
It is always important however, to take responsibility of your actions that caused someone to feel upset, embarrassed, hurt, offended etc.
But this needs to be as a point of reflection on your own actions and the person you want to be. Did you cross the personal boundaries of others that needs an apology and change in behaviour?
If so, fix that.
But be consistent with taking care of your own boundaries as a priority.
Do not compromise your personal boundaries by catering to others feelings above your own especially by taking on the responsibility on your shoulders.
Doing so can create co-dependent and unhealthy relationships enabling behaviour where the other person steps back from taking on the responsibility of their actions.
During a conflict, or with someone that blames you for the way they feel, that refuses to take responsibility for their actions or emotionally blackmails you to shift the power balance it is important to take a step back.
Reflect on your intentions and actions.
Is this a recurring pattern? How does this make you feel?
Is taking on the responsibility of someone elses feelings beneficial and in line with your own boundaries?
Do you feel drained? Manipulated? Can you safely share your feelings with this person?
Prioritise yourself and your feelings.
Remind yourself that everyones growth pattern is different. That it is okay to take a step back so that others are responsible for their feelings and that even if the process might be challenging the outcome is beneficial.
Your top priority should be your happiness before adjusting your boundaries to cater to the happiness of others.
You should always be able to say ‘no’ if asked to do something you are unable to physically or emotionally. Be clear if you cannot cater to others needs without worrying about the emotional repercussions.
How the other person feels is not your responsibility if what they are asking of you is more than you can handle or you feel used and manipulated into doing something you do not want to do.
You should always be able to safely express your feelings, your views and your wants and needs without being silenced or made to feel as if you are being ‘irrational’ that you are ‘wrong’ or ‘sensitive’.
Do not let someone else make their feelings a priority over yours.
Do not let anyone silence your opinions or thoughts.
Value yourself and appreciate who you are.
Give space and a voice to your feelings, thoughts and opinions because you deserve to be heard.
You are allowed to feel.
You are responsible for all of you and that is a beautiful thing even when it can be challenging.
But put your boundaries confidently and firmly in place where they would otherwise bend to others will by reminding yourself that you are not responsible for the feelings of others.
reflect. love. heal. always
Brown `Girl N