Creating boundaries that cater to your needs and wellbeing is an ever evolving process that takes work.
It isn’t easy knowing where to start or how to identify what boundaries need to be put in place without facing the hardships in your life and the things you need (from yourself) to safeguard the beautiful person you are.
You need to identify the experiences where you were unable to stand up for yourself because your boundaries were not in place.
The times where you didn’t speak out when something felt wrong, when you were uncomfortable, when you needed to say no but said yes.
These experience are the starting point of identifying how you can take care of yourself and have more healthy meaningful relationships by putting boundaries in place.
It is always more difficult to communicate and stand by your boundaries with those closest to you and more so with those who have overstepped boundaries in the past without consequences and as a result think they can continue doing so.
Setting Boundaries with those within our household.
This is a tricky one but a necessary one.
Especially when you are all stuck at home together.
Children need clear boundaries about what is acceptable and not acceptable in order for them to thrive and have security but also to create healthy boundaries for themselves.
It is important for them to understand how to create boundaries with their siblings and friends and how to respect others boundaries but also to reflect on those instances where they have overstepped boundaries.
We have to communicate clear boundaries with the adults in our households whether they are our partner, best friend or room mate.
If you need some time alone communicate it.
If you don’t like to be spoken to in a certain way make it clear that you will not engage in conversations where you are belittled, put down, disrespected or dismissed.
If the household chores are not managed and you are doing too much and it is not catering to your needs and taking a toll on you communicate that.
Make other people aware that you feel like you are doing too much, share the chores, create a rota and step back from picking up after people.
It is important that you understand that boundaries should allow you to be the best version of yourself.
To be able to speak your truth with confidence.
To nurture the best parts of you without others taking advantage of it.
To be able to have healthy, fulfilling relationships with those you love without sacrificing your own needs and individuality.
It also allows you to be respectful of others boundaries without taking offence or internalising what we may have seen as rejection in the past.
Boundaries protect you but also set you free which is why I feel so passionate about them.
They are important, they are challenging and they talke continous work.
But they are also your best friend. They protect you, allow you to be yourself in the most amazing way and allow others to see your worth and value the way they should.
Those around you will challenge your boundaries, at times be offended by them, resist them and try their best to dismiss them if they don’t cater to them.
But you establish your boundaries by meeting these challenges, reaffirming what works for you, communicating what doesn’t and working on them continously.
You have to love yourself and take care of yourself the way you need to in order for those around you to take example of that but to also respect and love you the way you need them to.
reflect. love. heal always