In any relationship, it is vital for your wellbeing to grow and blossom as an individual as well as together.
When your opinions are not heard, your views criticised, your truths questioned and you as a person are dismissed in a relationship please do not ignore these red flags.
Whenever you feel that there are different unspoken rules and double standards in the relationship these do need to be addressed no matter how uncomfortable the conversation.
If you are not allowed to openly express your feelings or when you do express them they are dismissed, denied or you are told that you are being over sensitive/ looking too much into it, acknowledge that this is a problem and it will really start affecting your self -esteem.
You might even start dismissing your own feelings by repeating back what you’ve been told e.g “maybe I am being a bit sensitive, maybe it wasn’t that bad” or the worst “maybe its me”.
Stop right there, take a breath and remember you are a smart, strong and worthy individual and if something doesn’t feel right you have every right to feel the way you feel.
You do not have to always give in or hold back just to keep the peace or avoid an unecessary argument.
Be respectful with your thoughts and feelings but remember you deserve the respect to express your thoughts, opinions and feelings safely.
Sometimes criticisms and dismissals can be subtle and come in the form of digs, jokes or put downs in front of an audience where you are left speechless and unable to address it straight away.
Other times they can be more aggressive, in your face or even silent shut downs in the form of punishments making you question yourself and unable to openly express or resolve the situation in a safe manner.
None of these are okay.
No one should ever make you feel less than, not worthy or not an equal because a partnership should cater to both people.
The best way to safeguard your wellbeing is by putting your boundaries in place,
As soon as you see an underhand dismissal address it head on.
if you are criticised in the guise of a light-handed joke and are told you are taking things too seriously. Get serious, stand up for yourself and let them know its not ok.
Hold onto your truth no matter who tries to deny it and honour your values, feelings and opinions by always remembering you have the right to be who you are, as you are.
If a behaviour feels confusing and hurtful, you can listen to an explanation but you do not have to deny your feelings or let it leave you feeling confused.
Because every thought and spoken word that belongs to you is a part of you.
If something is important to you, if you feel the need to express it then that should be honoured and respected.
Because being heard, being acknowledged and being respected should be the basics of any healthy relationship.
reflect. love. heal always
Brown Girl N