When starting a new relationship with someone it is very important to be able to keep the focus between the two of you.
You are after all embarking on a new journey with someone.
You need to be able to spend quality time together, give yourselves the opportunity to learn about each other and see how you are blossoming as friends and as new couple.
But as important as it is to be able to focus on just the two of you, the relationships we have with others provides an insight to who we are as people.
How we are towards our parents, how we get along with our siblings, friends and work colleagues can sometimes provide a better perception of our personality compared to just how we are with our other halves.
If someone is dismissive and unnecessarily rude towards their parents, those who gave them life then their nature, if different towards you is highly suspicious.
If those close to you do not feel too comfortable around your other half but cant quite place a finger on exactly what their issue with them, then it is very important for you to take a step back to be more aware.
Our intuition is a very strong defense mechanism and should never be ignored or dismissed.
Everyone has a past and it is very important for those who have toxic people in their lives to be able to set and reinforce healthy boundaries.
But setting boundaries does not mean giving others a taste of their medicine nor should it force a person to change who they are.
On a the contrary, setting boundaries allows us to preserve who we are without allowing others to take away from that.
If you are serious about someone and you want to see a future with them then their relationship with others shows you the multifaceted personality they have.
If others have nothing nice to say about them, or they’re nervous and anxious around them, if everyone has an issue with them then that gives you a clue as to where the issue really lies.
Nurturers are naturally drawn to people who are in need of help, and falling for someone who is a misunderstood soul and only you can through to them is a very romantic albeit unrealistic notion.
We have to remember that no matter how whirlwind a romance starts, no matter how amazing the relationship is just between the two of you, there will come a time where the world will stop revolving around you and you will need to jump out of cloud nine and get back to the daily grind of the real world.
And when that happens every other relationship we have will have a role in our life. Our connections to others will ground us and remind that we as individual are so much more than just our connection to our other half.
And who we are, our very nature is echoed through our relationships with others, and likewise the same goes for those who we chose to have a relationship with.
Their temperament and identity might not be ideal nor will it be exactly how you want it to be but it should always (and I mean ALWAYS) be transparent and self explanatory not just with you but with others also.
Being in love means providing each other with love, respect and making their needs and wants a priority, but not at the expense of others. No one needs to sacrifice their existing relationships for the sake of one person, nor should they expect others to do that for them either.
Being kind and considerate, choosing a respectable tone to talk and the willingness to listen should be a general character trait someone has with everyone they have a relationship with not just with you.
Because what might happen in the future is that selective behaviour might be expected from you where all of your other relationships are supposed to take a back seat or just as someone has been dismissive about their good friend or parent for example they might in turn do that to you.
You need to put yourself first, understand and project how you need to be valued and remember that the different relationships allows the growth of who you are as a whole person and not just one side of you. And everyone should be able to see that and the same goes for you.
Putting in effort and taking the time to invest and consider all aspects for any relationship we choose is really an investment we are making for ourselves.
Respect. Love. Heal.
Brown Girl R.